I haven’t been updating or even writing this for many, many months now and I’m not quite sure why I’m choosing to do it now when I’ve also just got fresh manicure, I should just let my nails rest and not risking chipping it..
But I’m gonna talk about passion now, okay?
I dunno, maybe it’s the idea of writing down about something as heaty as passion..I gotta write it here and now.
I grew up being passionate about a lot of things.
I grew up standing and strutting on my grandparents’ couches, pretending it was a stage and my late grandfather would sit down in front of me, watching me, and I would pretend he was part of a huge audience. I would be singing my heart’s out on songs I’ve learnt in school and Disney. I wanted to be a singer when I grew up.
I grew up air-writing and scratching makmah’s cupboards and closet doors, pretending they were my blackboard/whiteboard, teaching and scolding imaginary students in front of me and helping to mark kakak’s workbooks. I then wanted to be a teacher when I grew up.
I grew up participating in dance CCAs and dance competitions in primary school and then in polytechnic. I loved dancing and performing for people.
I grew up watching the news and television, thinking how glamorous it was to be a news anchor or work in the media. I then wanted to be part of the media so much when I grew up.
I grew up playing with kakak’s makeup and destroying her makeup stash, experimenting with her blue eyeshadow, dipping cotton buds into black eyeshadow and lining my eyes with it and deep plum lipstick. I also loved how my mom’s heels clicked against the granite floor and wanted a pair of shoes with heels myself.
I grew up with a library of books from my Sweet Valley collection to Roald Dahl to Enid Blyton and even Princess Diaries. A part of me wanted to work around books as well as I loved to read.
…what ever happened to those passions?
I mean, I chased.
I chased after my dreams of being in the media, earned media diplomas but somehow life gave me my other dream to be a teacher instead. Fair enough.
I chased after my dreams of having a degree but time did not work well with me and I failed to give it my all. That didn’t happen.
And now I’m here, quarter-life crisis some people call it. I’m still figuring out where I should go.
What do I have to offer to life?
If I could, I would still want to chase and fulfil those passions and dreams.
I mean if you ask me, some of my passions are the same but some are new.
Like, I would still want to earn a degree one day. I would want that degree to be of needful use for a better job or promotion.
I would still want to play with makeup. I want to enrol myself in makeup school and learn the art of makeup and beauty. Perhaps I could work or earn doing something I surround myself in the things I love.
I would still want to get married and have a beautiful, big family. A family I can call my own and that I build myself that is strong, secure and supportive, something I’ve been yearning for my whole life.
I would still want to travel.
I would still want to get myself fit. I want to be passionate about getting fit. I think it’s sexy that a woman works hard for what she wants and earns it.
I would still want to try more baking and cooking, trying out countless dishes and bakes I’ve watched, read and learnt about.
I would still want to dance my ass off.
I would still want to learn how to play the guitar or piano so it could accompany my singing and it won’t look so bad when I upload it on Youtube.
I would still want to write.
So much I want to do and I guess I can’t attain them all at once. Perhaps what is needed and what is best for me then and now and then some. But I gotta try and earn them.
I’m writing this to remind myself that that flame is still here, still burning, I still have something to offer. It makes me feel better when I’m sitting down here on the couch wolfing down Doritos.
"Choose reality, instead of idealism, to be your life’s compass."
What truer words and it could just be my fave quote ever.
So what are you passionate about?